I’m gonna lose you
…I never really had you
but still
I’m gonna lose you
I’m pushing you away
into the arms of a bright future
where you belong
free to be you
at your best
it’s what you need
it’s what you deserve
so why does it leave me
feeling so lost?
Tag: emotional
Inside The Echoes
I’m losing it again
adrift amongst it all
crashing through the waves
reaching for the end
falling into nothing
from the something that I know
not sure where this goes
afraid to see the truth
to find out where this leads
searching for familiar
amidst the foreign features
I don’t like where I’ve been
but there at least I’d found
something to call my own
a sense of right, of real
this is not that place
this cold, chaotic rush
not sure which way’s up
(down, that’s all around)
lost inside the echoes
swallowed by the shadows
too blind to see the light
How’s this for the first thing I’ve written in what seems like forever? Not sure what brought this one one, probably one-part fever dream (was hit pretty hard by some kind of something the last couple days), one part vaguely early mid-life crisis, and one-part reading about experiences with depression online while I’m too keyed up to get the sleep I should be getting.
I Met You Again Today
I met you again today
A million miles
a million years
between when and what we were
and where we’ve come to be
Time has a way
of changing things
manipulating memories
twisting and turning
into something new
It strips away
everything we’ve learned
makes fools of us all
the more you think you know
the less you truly see
Blinded by the truths of yesterday
But through it all
There’s a spark
a hint of of the familiar
underneath the baggage that life brings
And though the surface shifts
eroded by the passing
the heart still shines strong
and though I just met you again
I can’t help but turn back
to where we were before
I’ve had “I met you again today.” stuck in my head for a few days now, and tonight it decided to force its way out and make me wrap something around it. I still find it weird how my inspiration ebbs and flows like it does. I’ll never understand my muse, I guess…
If I’d Only Kept My Mouth Shut
It was hardly the first time I’d seen you
but somehow it was like looking into the sun
a blinding flash, a hint of something new
something beautiful and full of promise
I’d never been so off my guard
wrapped up in the moment
lost in your twinkling eyes
if I stop to think about it I can still taste your lips
still feel our tongues dancing
still hear my nervous laughter
too busy trying to regain my mental balance to just shut up and enjoy the moment
if I’d just been a little weaker or a little dumber who knows where we’d be now
but no, I wanted something different
something more and less at the same time
and somewhere in the middle of this tidal wave
I found my footing, held my ground
it took so much not to be swept away
not to get caught in your undertow
but no, I had to be reasonable, had to be rational
even as the emotions of the moment made me say things I knew better than to reveal
out of something so full of possibility
I found the way to the worst of both worlds
I haven’t seen you since
have barely spoken, despite our insistence on staying in touch
it was just a moment, and moments pass
the right thing done in the wrong way
all I can do is look back on the night and wonder
I so often think that things might be different if I’d only said the right thing
that it’s almost funny and rather sad to know
that everything might’ve been better here
if I’d only kept my mouth shut
The inspiration for this one’s subject matter is semi-obvious, going back to the subject of pretty much every other poem I’ve written in here over the past couple months now. The style, though, is a little different than usual thanks to a recent obsession with slam poetry. I went out of my way to sound this one out in my head as I wrote it, and as a result I know EXACTLY how I’d read it if it were to be performed. And if I ever have the guts, I might just record myself doing so for the hell of it…
Make Me Fall
You say you’re crazy
well, I’m a little crazy too
call yourself selfish
I’ll play the give and take with you
you think you know me
well you don’t know me well enough
say I’m too easy
but I like my life a little rough
(CHORUS)
you say love is torture
and maybe you’re right
I say its time to find out
let’s start something tonight
something that could last forever
something that’s real and true
give me everything you’ve got babe
make me fall in love with you
tell me the truth now
you can’t hide behind the lies
your love can’t hurt me
you’ll never cut me down to size
trust me when I say, baby
I’ve read you like an open book
a modern classic
your words are worth a second look
(CHORUS)
just try and stop me
leave me broken if you can
I think you’ll find out
just how strong I really am
and when the smoke clears
I’ll still be standing, wait and see
you’ll find forever
when you give yourself to me
(CHORUS x2)
Well holy crap, I think I just wrote myself three verses of a song lyric. Thank you, “Blank Space” by Taylor Swift, for providing about half the inspiration for this, and thank you, source I probably shouldn’t name, for providing the other 50% or so. Now I just need a chorus and a title if I want it to be a real song, but it works perfectly well on its own as a poem IMO, so I’m posting it…
Later Edit: Got my chorus and my title. Love love love this. I see it with a folk/R&B, Ed Sheeran-ish style.
The Same Page & Your Illusions
Get your shit together
Go back to the start
Your head and your heart
should be on the same page
Remember what’s important
what’s real and what’s true
Be open, be free
Try anything, everything
Don’t be afraid to live
I’m not sure this one’s really finished, but this is the point where I started to break down writing it, so I’m calling it.
You don’t know me
not like you seem to think
How can that be?
13 years later
That’s what you remember
Who I was then
Who I was 8 years ago
Not who I am now
Not what I come to be
What I’ve been through
How I’ve changed and grown
Who I am inside
You write me off
based on false assumptions
old recollections
You made up your mind
far too long ago
So why am I fighting?
Why not just write you off?
It came so easy to you
I’m nothing to you now
just like I’ve been for years
An afterthought
To be used and tossed aside
(or at least that how it seems)
so why can’t I do that?
Why can’t I shut it off?
Why do I care what you think?
You’ll do as you want
with excuses galore
(as is your right)
and I’ll be left behind
as always
so fuck it
I’m done
done thinking
done fighting
done coming up with ways to convince you
because nothing will
The truth doesn’t matter
You have your illusions
You’ll do with as you wish
I’ll just have to come up with my own
Well, THAT was cathartic. Hope everyone enjoys the product of my near-breakdown. I sure feel better now that I let it all out. Too bad all this venting via poetry and blog does jack squat to fix the situation I’m in. I’m blaming this all on alcohol, though I’m not sure I can explain why…
Why Pretend
Yes, I’m a fool
for thinking things would change
Left behind again
Oh, there you are
already miles down the road
(how do I look in your rear view?)
and I’m still standing here
wishing, waiting
wanting something I’ll never have
Why does this always happen?
One step forward,
stumble,
trip,
fall,
back to the start
staring at the taillights
forgotten
until the next time you need me
abandoned
because I’m not what you want right now
untouched
because that would mean feeling something
just hurry up and run me down
get it out of the way
we both know it’s coming
so why pretend?
Do Your Worst
use me
abuse me
chew me up
spit me out
drag me down
tear me apart
bleed me dry
do your worst
whatever it takes
I’ll get up
come back for more
stand my ground
take the blows
however dirty
however ugly
however selfish
however mean
I’ll take it all
if that’s what you need
because I love you
Wow, this one’s interesting. This one draws inspiration from something I can’t actually share. Suffice to say I know where this came from, this one’s been brewing for a couple days, it’s a bit more personal than anything else I’ve shared here, and if a certain someone reads this one I might have some ‘splaining to do…
Until You
You drop into my boring life
A splash of color
a ray of light
you give me something
I didn’t know I needed
you drag me places
I’d never dream of going
you fill a hole
I didn’t even know was there
and just as quick you’re gone
a flicker, a flutter
and back to the empty spaces
back to the monochrome
back to the boring life
and to the something missing I never knew I needed
…until you.
Looks like this weekend is gonna be a goldmine for me creatively. Personally/emotionally, not so much, but such is life, I suppose. This one is kind of a follow-up to the last one, as time marches on and more things happen. Again, I don’t share specifics on here too often, so I won’t say what’s going on exactly. Just consider these snapshots in time as to how I’m feeling as things unfold (or, more accurately, don’t unfold)
Into Her Soul
I saw into her soul last night
Only a glimpse
Only a flutter
But it was there just the same
For mere moments
We connected
We united
And I could feel her
So close
So near
I lost myself again in depths forgotten
Her grip on my heart once again fastened
And here I am again
Lost in someone
Someone that will never be mine
But how can I be free
When I saw her soul
When we connected
When we could be so much for each other?
So this one’s inspired by the same events as my earlier post “Missed Opportunities”. I can’t get into details too heavily, natch, but I’ve found myself in a situation where I could’ve had exactly what I’ve wanted since high school and instead talked myself out of it. I’m still waiting to hear from…well, someone, since the events, and I’m a little anxious to see/hear what happens…