Month: August 2022

Lost, awash in alabaster

As sirens sing their songs of worship

Horizons stretch beyond illusion

Nothing there to comprehend

Emotions crash like ocean waves

Sweeping, snatching all in vain

Scents and colors swirl, majestic

Senses fail to set the scene

Overwhelming, overloading

Beauty in such ordered chaos

Beyond all human understanding

And yet here I stand, surrounded

Surrendered to a lack of surety

Drowned in evidence none yet know

And yet that knowledge, all I’m seeking

Is all around and deep within

Senses fail, focus is fleeting

Sinking quickly in the mire

The undertow is strong and sudden

The surface beckons somewhere beyond

Too much to take at moment’s notice

It pulls me down and holds me tight

Weightless as it winds and wanders

Lost, I find myself again

Standing at the bottom of the hill again

Why do we never give Sisyphus his due?

Trapped in that same endless labored march

The rock won’t roll itself, after all

Going through the motions yet again

Knowing the whole time that nothing’s different

Insisting despite all that lies against us

That this will be the day we reach the peak

Throwing away so much that should be sacred

Wasting time and resources so dear

On something that will never see an end

Yet here I stand with fresh determination

To start anew, like every other morning

Grant me my daily burden once again

I’ll hang it on my shoulders and be off

I know you’re out there somewhere

Somewhere you’ll never hear these words

That’s all for the best

And someday I’ll get my heart to understand

Oh so many moments

I wish I could go back and change

But something tells me none of that would matter

So with all the depth and meaning

These simple words can conjure

I hope what you were looking for

Whatever drew you my direction

Whatever hint of something

That in the end I wasn’t

I hope you found your way to it

And someday may I have the heart

To set aside the scars

That I myself inflicted

Thinking I could be greater

And know better than you did

And find another soul out there

One, this time, that finds in me

What I thought I saw in you

The allure of the unobtainable

Placed just out out of reach

There for all to see and dream of

But never to be realized

The embodiment of all that’s ever

Wanted and or asked for

Taunting in proximity

The siren song to draw upon

All the strangers lost and seeking

They just won’t find it here

At least not for keeping

Only for the memories

Of that something greater

We’re all searching for

Bury it deeper this time

So far down I’ll never see the sun

I’d rather drown in memories

Than hurt myself again

Trying too hard to maintain grip

Of something that isn’t mine to hold

Those fantasies I fell for

Keep me treading water

And if I were to let them go

I’d have to learn to swim again

And I’m not so sure there’s solid ground

Waiting there below

And maybe it’s not worth the risk

To put feet down to find out

Maybe I’m just better off

So far down in dreams I’ll never know

That no one outside ever sees

My struggles for the surface

They float into my consciousness
Pictures of people, places, and moments
how they were and how they should have been
The moves I could’ve, should’ve made
that would’ve meant the difference
The rain on our heads and sand under feet
That dance requested that I never gave
Late nights under stars and words meant for others
What seemed like right actions made for wrong reasons
Barriers battered but never quite broken
Mixed messages bouncing back and forth
and all the times before and between
that seemed to be leading to something
but ended in nothing at all
They were all supposed to be greater
might’ve been, in someone else’s hands
But mine were too fragile
or perhaps I gripped too tightly
and now they’re just memories I can’t live down