Month: July 2022

It’s odd how the emotions come and go

Ebb and flow like tides, carrying memories

Reminders of moments somehow beautiful and tragic

Glimpses of what was and might have been

There never seemed to be any understanding

No knowing which way the water was to flow

We weaved our way through everything

As blind as we could be

Never seeing where our feet would fall

Before we took those steps

Stumbling and bumbling together for a heartbeat

Then oh so swiftly separated, not to meet again

And now, so far removed,

I find my vision turning rearward

Struggling to recall what of these memories was real

The ephemeral remembrances that sneak up on me now

Seem to skip a shade or two each time they cast their shadows

You were ever searching then

For something neither of us knew

I sometimes wonder if you ever found it

Or did it slip away, much like these ghosts

That repeatedly creep up to keep you

On my mind again

To

Couldn’t tell you what the clock says

When the memories creep up on me

And try to pull me under once again

Another trip down that worn out lane

Fruitlessly serving nothing but darkness

Days long gone and moments best left

In the past where they are and always will be

No lessons left to mine from their bones

But still they find some way to haunt me

Rearing ugly heads not seen

Since the times they were created

Bringing little of value with them

Just sleepless nights and recriminations

And more mistakes to drown myself

And immobilize my soul in fear

Of what might be next to lie in silence

What waits around the next mistake

To slip its way through the cracks of consciousness

And hold me down when I crash and burn

Again

There’s a light in her eyes

That she used to let shine

I basked in those rays

That once warmed my soul

The weight of the world

She could lift from my shoulders

With only a word

And a moment of time

Those days have long passed

That light shines no longer

All she lets me see now

Is a painful reminder

Of what I tried in vain

To cling to too tightly

It wasn’t mine to hang onto

And I’ll feel it no more

Look what you did, boy

Such a mess you’ve made

Went and lost yourself again

Fantasy is a hell of a drug

Caught up in delusion, I presume?

Cleaning up the ashes

Of another self-destruction

How many times is that now?

Is that all you know to do?

Throw yourself into illusions

Ignore the warning signs

And see where it all goes

When it catches up to you

The only one that bought in

Was you all along

And now your pockets are empty

And you’re still alone

So pick yourself back up

And try the same old same old

Watch as you fall right back down

Each and every time

Excuse my curiosity, not that you’ll ever answer

But how long did it take you to stop looking back?

I can’t have been the only one so lost in those delusions

I’ll give you points for finding you convictions

And take them back for how you blew it up

Just threw the bomb without a glance and walked away

Surely there was something else a little less destructive

I’ll admit a clean break was probably for the best

But there’s nothing clean about the jagged edges left behind

The ones that still find ways to cut me every now and then

I tell myself your actions must’ve led you to that perfect wotld

(Even now it’s hard for me to think the worst of you)

But there for quite some time it seemed you had some shred of doubt

I’d like to lie and say that I’m fine and strong and standing

But there are scars still healing here after all this time

There’s so much that I’d almost die to get the chance to say

Though I know that chance will never come

I’ll settle for the memories, the moments and the fantasies

And the ever-present hope that it was all worth it for us both

And maybe, just maybe, one day I’ll find that you did care

Or maybe it won’t bother me when I find you never did…

Stranded yet again in waves

Of things beyond my understanding

Swept away so clearly

Can’t tell what’s real or fantasy

In so far over my head

I may never see the sun

Swimming against the tides

Was never quite so pointless

Confused and clouded with the visions

Flashes, few and fleeting

Convinced me of my false direction

And now, my vision cleared

I’m left to float on aimlessly

A victim of strong self-deception

The undertow reaching for my feet

And no dry land in sight

On the road again

And feeling every one of my years

On another adventure

Tired of wanting to stop and settle down

Sick of second guessing

Juet following where the wind blows

Eyes wide open

Head turning to and fro with passing

Looking for a place to lay it down

Without fear of never getting up

Another day going by

Full of change and chaos

Struggling to catch my breath

As the world goes by and takes it

Sometimes old stories have it right
There’s such great power in a name
to draw out a reaction
and trigger much emotion
Maybe a moment of reflection
upon the times that came before
Perhaps a flinch or frown
at something better left forgotten
Or the possibility
of falling tears of joy or sadness
endless combinations
small wonders sprung from something simple
What’s in a name?
Why, everything and nothing
all at once

I find myself reaching once again
trying to find a certain spark
A tiny flash of the beauty
hidden in words and experiences
A great expression with which to share
to spread and to embrace
that something greater we all aspire to
I struggle with the vastness
that which I do and do not know
smaller than most are willing to admit
and more than some would ever dream
There’s a universal truth
that touches all we know and see
it’s all in the seeking
the joining of the spirit
adding to the foundations
that which is and shall be
The words with which to express
such a wide yet narrow scope
I will forever chase
for language does not yet exist
to tie it all together
and cannot ’til we understand
just who and what we are