I’ve been searching for your grace
To fill the hole in me
To raise me up
When the world pulls down
To give me hope and shelter
In the middle of the storm
To lean on
Until I find my feet
To grant me all I need
That I may make my way
To a brighter place
Full of understanding
And peaceful resolutions
So much beauty wasted
On a soul that chose to never see
Beyond their understanding
Such an investment
Of time and emotion
That amounted to naught
But lessons learned
Poor judgment and poorer character
What a shame
Such promise held
And cast aside
Into the nothing
That surrounds them
And still calls their name
Let it draw you in
I shall not suffer
For your decisions
For your mistakes
For your choice to retreat
Further into the darkness
I only sought to pull you from
Sleep now in the shadow
And trouble me no more
All those words and those emotions
I can’t help but still feel
Even after all the distance
All the darkness now between us
As much as I wish
That I could let go completely
Even through the silence
You’re still there to haunt me
You and the spectre you’ve become
The embodiment of my mistakes
Floating freely just beyond my vision
But I know you’re there
And I long for the answers
To questions I never even had
The chance to ever ask
The scars and the remnants
Of something beautiful now broken
Surround me as I move to carry on
And as I reach out
As I try to find some shelter
Instead I pull the pain in tighter
And pierce my soul again
With the ending that I wrought
From what was meant to last forever
Maybe not as what I wanted
But in some form or fashion
If only I could ever hope
To fill that empty space you left
When you walked away
when the world is still
I dream of you
your eyes
beset by starlight
in the quiet moments
I hear your voice
calling to me
musical
magical
in quiet reflection
I see your smile
against the night sky
a vision
to guide me home
Cast aside the remnants
wasted time and broken memories
all the things I tried and failed
or never really tried at all
Throw away the evidence
let everything just disappear
It all had so much meaning
that never meant a single thing
out here in reality
too weak to face the truth
the lies I told myself
are stacked so far and high
that I can’t see the ground below
I’ve fallen far too much
to find my way back down
these scattered moments
are so much better left behind
she’s out there somewhere living
as I try to find myself
lost here in the leftovers
of what I tried to build
the fantasy that could not stand
against what I refused to see
surrounded by the wreckage
there’s no choice but to crawl
Funny how you find me here
Dying on this hill again
Nothing left but memories
Held so tight I can’t let go
Last time through you pulled me up
Stood me on my feet again
Can’t count on that anymore
You’ve just here to rub it in
Is this what you want to watch?
Hoisted by my own petard
A fool for all the world to see
Right back where I started from
I only have myself to blame
Falling for a fantasy
So sure of things that just weren’t there
Running on false promises
Blind to what I didn’t see
Everything I’d counted on
Nothing more than empty air
Thought you’d catch me as I fell
Or at least let me down soft
Right until I hit the ground
Never even heard you leave
Stuck here where I came to rest
I guess where I’m meant to be
So why come back this way at all?
Leave me to my failed attempts
If you can’t give me the time
Kindly forget everything
I’ll keep trying to believe
You can have reality
I’ll tilt at windmills again
Assuming I can find my feet
disconnected
disassociated from existence
numb and frozen
floating on
unfeeling
reaching out
but nothing’s there
nothing to hold onto
nothing to make it real
nothing but the nothing
that surrounds
and pulls
and drags
and quiets
unyielding
unending
unrelenting
lost
in the dark
fumbling
for something
that left long ago
its absence
the only thing
left to feel