Month: May 2021

I’d forgotten how fleeting and ephemeral

some moments and some people can be

Maybe that alone is what you were meant for

To be so sure of something I could rely on

to have it vanish helplessly into nothing

serves to remind me that all I can rely on

is that which is inside me all along

As broken and backwards as it seems

to someone that tries to see the good in the world

that’s the only lesson left to draw on

that sometimes even beauty and truth

can in a heartbeat turn ugly and cold

and all you can do is keep going

You keep finding ways back to my mind

I wish you wouldn’t do that anymore

We haven’t spoken since so long ago

I’m not so sure I could recall your voice

Until when someone sounds vaguely alike

And the chills run down my spine again

If only I could ever find the chance

To say the million words that come to mind

The words I’d never have the guts to speak

Even if we somehow crossed our paths

That time and opportunity have passed

I was never meant to live that dream

The one that long ago changed to nightmare

The one I wish would just leave me alone

So that I may find another dream

One that might actually be real

And not juet the broken fantasy

That my heart insistently holds onto

So that it may break itself again

Remember when you actually believed
That you could do anything you dreamed of
You saw nothing but potential laid before you
Those repeated words still ringing in your eager ears
How foolish we turned out to be
Assuming all those promises were real
Maybe they could have been back then
In the age that had been built
For those that pushed us onward
But the world kept moving ever forward
And now the tides have turned against
Ever climbing from the wreckage
We’ve found ourselves buried beneath
Maybe there’s still a chance at freedom
A glimmer of some great hope and dream
That they once welded as a weapon
To keep us moving without looking
But now we’ve stopped to catch our breaths
And nothing looks like we’ve been told
And now is all on us to find a way
To build that fantasy that we were promised
And make sure there’s still something left
For the future generations
So they won’t face the same obstacles
That the elders growing older
Left us in their wake

If it truly ends this way

Then what else can I do

But find a way on through

The darkness that threatens

To fall over everything

I can’t say I expected

“going out with a bang”

To have quite this meaning

I shouldn’t be surprised

All I can do is carry on

Past this new adversity

Continue this existence

Until the very end

These moments serve

As reminders of

All the lessons

We have yet

To truly learn

Mistakes we made

And fumbled steps

Aren’t the end

We’ve just begun

Keep going now

You can’t let

A little slight

Slow you down

There’s always time

To rise again

Yet another chance

And make right

What went wrong

Staring at these blank pages

and brick walls and

so many other obstacles to overcome

The challenges pile high before you

until you start to feel

as if there’s no way forward

That’s when you have to start

taking hold of any opportunity,

any idea that flashes in your head

Run with it all

Run until your legs give out

and power through

everything that stands before you

Don’t let yourself get so lost

in what if or why it cannot work

Just find the way that does

and if it doesn’t, go on anyway

The only thing that’s stopping you

is you and your perception

of the challenge that you face

The barriers are big,

but only as big as you let them be

You put in the work,

you’ll find the reward

Just keep going

Don’t slow down to check your pace

Don’t fall victim to distraction

Just find the way and follow

until you’re there

Maybe I just don’t know how

Or maybe letting go would be

The end of everything I am

It would mean giving up

On being what I strove for

Setting aside the last thing

I was so convinced of

The only thing worth fighting over

I couldn’t stand up then

The words just wouldn’t leave my lips

And though I tell myself

That I’d do things differently

Or what I’d give to make things right

I know I’d still fail

To even make a sound

Drowning in the darkness

Afloat only by the presence

Of the slimmest raft of lies

That I can tell myself

No matter how rediculous

And if I ever face her

I won’t live up to expectations

I won’t say what I know I should

I won’t have anything left to cling to

Because knowing beyond doubt

Beyond this fantasy

Would leave me in the depths

I failed to be who I claim

That person that she helped make me

And somehow to save myself

I’ve lost myself in madness

Unable to face the truth

That some things are just beyond repair

Holding tightly to the last

I go down with this ship

What we wanted seldom matters

When we lose the battle

Of perception against reality

You never get to reason

When there’s no reason to be found

And when faced with a mind made up

There’s seldom a shot at changing it

I’ve sought to live up to the role

I perfected in my own head

A lot of time spent rehearsing

Who I’m meant to be

But it’s not me that has to see

The performance I portray

And maybe I’m just not as good

At this acting as I thought

And once we make that first impression

There’s little room to fix it

So here I am still trying

To stumble over words and phrases

When no one’s out there listening

Especially the one I’m speaking to

And maybe we’re just better off in silence

The more I change
the more you stay the same,
and though you have this image
of how things used to be,
the edges have faded with time,
the colors aren’t so bright,
and there are marks where you can’t remember
The world keeps turning
Some people find a way to grow and change,
moving on from where they’ve been
to where they’re meant to be
We look on through the glass,
expecting the reflection
of the image we recall,
never seeing the distortion at the edges
until the moment passes us by completely

What we worked so carefully to create
clearly couldn’t stand the test of time
Built with the best of intentions
only for both of us to walk away
and leave it to wither and fall
But maybe with a little bit of hindsight
one day we’ll find ourselves returned
to the place that once held some meaning
We might come together once again
and by our hands reuse a little piece
of what we once carried oh so tightly
to lay a much more solid foundation
and raise another something in this world