Month: February 2021

Oh, to have another chance
to rise to the occasion
and be who I was supposed to be
To find my place in your world
and never let it go
To always have that something to hang onto
I found myself in you
and lost myself in worrying
that I couldn’t possibly be good enough
A self-fulfilling prophecy
of fear and insecurity
I held on too tightly
crushed between my fingers
Swept up in the breeze and blown away
If I could start again
I’d stand where I’m supposed to
Not lose sight of bigger things
fighting for a scrap
This empty place you left behind
grows colder every moment
If only I could take the time
to warm up in your light

I haven’t let go yet
because there’s more for me to learn
still some growing left to do
before I climb out of this hole
the scars aren’t set to heal
until I figure out what made them
sort out all of my mistakes
so I may leave them in the past
to make a brighter future
out of the shadows of the past

Beautiful flowers grow wild
…just be sure to mind the thorns
It takes little more than a moment
to bleed for what feels like a lifetime
Maybe that beauty you covet so greatly
would do you better from afar
But such are the thoughts of a fool
that you’ll have to find out the hard way
to watch where you tread or you touch

So much has been left behind,
abandoned as the pages turn
Stuck between chapter and verse
Forgotten once the need is gone
But the need is never really far
Those words and phrases carry you
hold you as the covers close
Show you what the world outside
is really meant to mean
Such a slow but necessary
task it is to retrace steps
to pick up what’s been dropped before
to reread what was written
But in the end these pages
will lead to something magical
if you let the ink inside
show you where to go

remember when the music was everything?
losing all sense of self
becoming one with everything as it pumps into your ears
into your head
into your very soul
it didn’t matter what you felt you knew
whatever you were going through
all that mattered was the sound
melodies that would move you
playing your emotions like the instruments
words that resonated with the world around
serving to sweep it all away
(at least for the length of the song)
the feeling was everything
the break from reality
there was something there behind the notes
something reaching out for you
for me, for whoever would listen
if only it could find us again

somehow I can’t escape a lyric
from a song much older than me
about writing letters and missed beauty
and how I keep writing these same words
even knowing you’ll never read them
like the repetition makes a difference
even I know better than that
but like a fool I keep trying
because there’s little else to do
I’ve never met a mistake I’ve made
that I couldn’t find a fix for
until I fucked things up with you
and now I fear I’ll spend a lifetime
trying to make up for something
better left abandoned

just like me to pick this hill to die on
this mountain that I built by hand
and now can’t find a way down
left myself up here alone
what makes me think you’d ever come
back around this place again?
this burden is mine alone to carry
I’m the one that failed us both
if only I had seen

I’ve used the words time and time again
to say exactly how I think and feel
Those words are all I have left to myself
and I wield them like a weapon and a shield
But those words won’t stand up to the truth
There’s nothing I can say or do to fix things
and not a damn thing makes it any easier
Time and words have failed me far too long
since here I am still missing what I lost
If I could have seen from somewhere else
some perspective outside my own head
I might’ve found a way to have
exactly what it was I wanted
Instead I found myself too weak to fight
And all the ordeals I’ve faced since
I can’t help but dwell upon
how much easier it all might be
if I still had you near to talk to
But the words drove us apart
They may be all I have to hold
but these words I just can’t seem to trust

out that window I see forever
stretching out like endless lines
leading somewhere we won’t know
until we pick our path and find our way
oh, were it possible to see the end
before we walk that first big step
so many uncharted journeys
but maybe it’s better with our eyes shut
to take that leap blindly into the distance
not letting our lack of vision
hold us back from the destination
that we may find what we’re meant for
somewhere down those lines
and may they intersect with those
that can help us find our way

Even after all this time
there’s still an empty space
A human jigsaw puzzle
with a random missing piece
Assembled all I can
but the picture’s not complete
Nothing ever seems to fit
No one can take that place
Not the way you did
Our edges just aligned
Somehow we just clicked
That familiarity
I’ll never feel again
because I just can’t find
anyone that fills
the gap you left behind

Trace these jagged lines
the scars across the skin
and on my soul
Not so faint reminders
of who I am
and where I’ve been
Follow in those footsteps
we’ve all left behind
See where they carry us,
what our moments wrought
Somewhere I’ll be waiting
and in that moment there
you’ll find what I’ve been seeking
is the missing piece