Month: December 2020

Watching the shadows flicker right outside my window
The setting sun a symbol of the coming end
And with it yet another new beginning dawns
A new year that somehow feels just like another lifetime
It’s time to set aside the old familiar feel
Let fall away the trappings of the past
Shake off that which has held me down
Step out into the brand new day
And finally find my way into the light
This room is a reminder of just how fragile living is
How precious and how perilous it all can be
It’s long past time to appreciate what is is that I could have
And make the most of what I’m meant to be
So take this dead and ending year away from me
Bring to me beginnings of the next
Let me embrace that which I have been gifted
Make the best of everything spread out below

There will never be another moment

Like the one I wasted over you

Convinced that it all happened for a reason

Set myself up for failure

And regrets I have to live with

That briefest of connections

Built and lost in the blink of my eyes

An exercise in never understanding

What I have and just what it all means

I’m sure I’m meant to miss you for forever

You and what your presence came to be

And in the times like these

When I could use a friend

I’ll mourn what I managed to destroy

Instead of hanging on

I’ll likely never get a chance to fix it

This mess I made of what we were becoming

But one day I’ll be happy

One day I’ll find my freedom

And I’ll learn from this failure in the end

The silent angel of self-interest

Spreading salvation in secret

Giving gifts to brighten moments

Hoping for something in return

That will likely never come

Learn to be still and quiet

To let the little things be

Spread joy as you can

And be happy when you do

Let the knowledge be its own reward

It’s mulling about in my head again

All those wasted possibilities

Just because I came to care too much

Something I was sure was meant to last

Slipped away because I clung too tightly

To someone that was never mine

As I sit here reaching out to no one

The person I felt closest to long gone

No reasons left to even think about it

No way to fix mistakes better let go of

Maybe this will be the final chapter

Maybe this is when it’ll all fall away

Maybe my head will get to clear

In this crazy aftermath

And I’ll never have to think of her again

But it feels so much like lost potential

To even think of giving up at all

But that lost potential is all it ever was

She couldn’t be what I needed

So it’s time to close that door

Asleep at the wheel again

Letting it all pass me by

A passenger on a crazy ride

No steering wheel to guide me

But it’s time to take control

Take a long, hard look around

Is this where I want to be?

Is this who I am?

I can’t wait to figure out

Can’t anticipate life’s answers

I need to ask these questions now

I need to know just where I’m going

If I’m to make it there

I have to know just where there is

And how to find my way

Brighter days and bigger moments

That will never be again

Highlights of a painted world

Better left forgotten

Memories made of colors

That could never be so vibrant

Pictures of the fantasy

My mind created for me

But I just can’t seem to let it go

Why won’t it all just vanish yet?

There was never anything to cling to

So why can’t it all just float away?

I’m in no shape to argue with reality

I’ve blown more than this world could ever owe

And as I find myself aging less than gracefully

I find myself wanting something for my own

Another lost soul out here I can cling to

We could shelter each other when the storms come rolling in

A voice, a peace, a source of understanding and of home

I don’t ask for anything that I can’t offer

I couldn’t ask more of this life than I could give to someone else

I’m just tired of seeking some kind of union

I feel like a lost and broken piece of something whole

And I just want to line those jagged edges up

Reunite what I’m supposed be a part and parcel of

Bring strength to weaoness, light to darkness, and all those cliches in between

I just want to build myself a dream

And I want to find you there to build it for

Spinning wheels and folding metal

Wake up to total disarray

Broken glass and running water

And the eyes that tell you no more or less

Than your other busted senses

Hear the shouts of pain beside you

Get told not to move your head

All the better for it

As there’s nothing you can do

But wait between the glass and plastic

Count the voices filter in

Never hear the one behind you

And your own sounds strangely quiet

The echos of command from somewhere

Proceed the blanket over your head

The muted sounds of saws and scraping

Like some twisted demolition

Too far away to be above you

And yet that canvas falls between

Much like the great green canopy

That you can’t tell where ends or begins

Just that it rose to hold you somehow

From floating lost away below

All the rushing, all the voices

The chipping, chopping, whirring blades

All rise in place of the silence

The third voice that you know should be

Stuck inside that moving prison

The folded steel and plexiglass

A crack in the windshield all your mind catches

And the sound of the man telling you not to move

You hear the distance to the chopper

Waiting to be your lifeline

You know the voice you heard beside you

Has been sent to better days

But as the time grows ever longer

And soon falls your freedom ride

You know that voice you never heard

You’ll never hear again.

Lights and sounds and activity

Should be awash in sensation

But nothing feels quite like

the way it’s meant to be

And I’m lost again

In beeps and boops

And the unexpected pain

All I can do is carry on

Throughout the darkness as it falls

So much to do and yet so empty

Body is weak and limbs are heavy

There’s nothing more to carry me

Buried in this fool’s parade

And yet I can’t stop now

Not hidden in the pounding

Nor asleep against the wheel

Lifted by the frames of metal

But never quite so gone as I am now.

Time passes so strangely these days

One moment escapes the dark

Through surrounding shadows

Another follows with the morning sun

Shining in above my head again

Then my eyes close to the exhaustion

I blink once and the world’s back to sleep

Everything goes back to relativity

When nothing counts the echoes in between