I’m searching for someone
To give me that look
The look that draws me in
That shows me their soul
That look that I can fall into
And never find my way out
That look that pulls me under
And never lets me go
That look that centers me
At the heart of the world
That look that means everything
Will be all right now
Because I’m there
That look
That you used to give me
Until it all went wrong
When you find someone that cares
Don’t ever let that slip away
True caring is so rare these days
And we need whatever help we can
To survive this broken world
We’ve made it harder on ourselves
Than it ever should’ve been
To forge any real connections
Between us cogs in the great machine
So hold onto the ones that try
The ones that give themselves away
That only want to watch you grow
For they are the rarest lot
And the most vulnerable
To the dangers life can hold
Why speak when no one listens?
Why try when no one sees?
Why care when nothing’s working?
Why move when nothing’s free?
Why bother with the effort?
Why bother with the time?
I’ll just sit in silence
At least the quiet’s mine
Anything can happen
and circumstances change
but to live your life thinking
“Maybe, just maybe…”
is a dangerous trap
Maybe she’ll come back
maybe they’ll recognize you
maybe all your hard work will pay off
…and maybe aliens will land
Maybe you’ll fall off a cliff
maybe your left hand will fall off
in an industrial accident
You can’t live life on maybes
You can’t let them guide you
You can’t let them hold you back
Anything CAN happen
but it won’t
All this time
Searching for where I belong
But there’s no place for me
And little left to work for
No one here around me
And why would there be?
I have nothing to offer
Nothing to show for the effort
Everything I touch falls apart
Everyone I meet has to walk away
Everything I’ve ever had I’ve thrown away
And here I am with nothing to hold onto
There’s no way in here anymore
No cracks or crevices
The doors are sealed
Windows sealed and boarded up
And the lights have long since been shut off
The last one that got inside
Made quite the hole on her way out
Poor thing had no idea what she was doing
When she found her passage in
We built her quite a little home
But a house just wasn’t what she wanted
She couldn’t take being that closed in
Or maybe she just never belonged here
Only she knows the reason why
But she forced those doors open quite violently
Let quite the tidy little hole
And now that I’ve cleaned up all the wreckage
I’m quite convinced I’m fine inside alone
I don’t need another mess to clean up
I don’t need to build another place
And I won’t let anyone come in here
And destroy what I’ve created for myself
Show me love
And I’ll follow you forever
Show me grace
And I’ll give you all I have
Show me faith
And I’ll be your desire
Show me truth
And I’ll open my soul
If you know the meaning
Of every word I’ve written
Then I wish you’d stop and fill me in
Because sometimes I’m just lost
You keep coming back and reading
As if these pages matter
Like there’s something I could say here
That would magically make things right
But nothing ever changes
I sit here still in silence
And every time I’ve come to terms
With the way things have to be
I find that you’ve come back here
To take another peek
And all the unanswered questions
Fill my head with pointless noise
You have what you wanted
So let me find myself
In a world away from you
Unless you have the answers
You broke me without trying
You made me feel useful
You gave me a place I felt I belonged
As if magic
When I needed it most
Them you vanished
You made a space for me
Then pushed me out
Slammed the door behind me
And locked it
And now I’ve been out here
Back in the cold and lonely
For so long I’ve forgotten
How safe and warm it felt inside
You used me and tossed me aside
Like last year’s toy
Amazing and wonderful then
Boring and useless now
You gave me self-worth
And stole it away
And I’m struggling to set myself free
From needing your approval
Because I’ll never have it again
And I know it
But your approval meant so much
For the fleeting bit of time you gave it
That I find myself unable
To forget how it felt
To be what you wanted
Right until I wasn’t anymore
“If it was meant to be…”
is a phrase that starts a lie
that we tell ourselves so often
We do it to keep going
through a world so harsh and broken
that never gives us anything
and a life we live to suffer
“It just HAS to get better…”
we hear ourselves whisper
but it doesn’t have to anything
Nothing has to make sense
There’s no such thing as order
Perfection is a myth
and there’s always something else
We never reach the end
until the final curtain falls
Life is pain and suffering
It’s climbing up the mountain
only to find the horizon
is still just as blocked
Learning lessons from your failures
not knowing that each twist and turn
brings a different set of choices
and a different set of failures
and you will never be satisfied
because there’s always another option
always something else you could’ve had
We aren’t meant for anything
but to live and die
the in-between is what you find
to fill the time you’ve got
Nothing is forever
everything will pass
be it beautiful or terrible
something else will find a way
I’ll just keep going
because there is no other way
and maybe someday I’ll find something
that makes this all worthwhile
but I don’t hold out much hope
of stumbling over something
which I’m not completely sure
even exists