Month: July 2020

Hide from the light in your ivory tower
Lock yourself into that gilded cage
Wrap yourself tight with those linen bindings
Let the whole world pass you by
What hesitation is there in your sealing?
Why keep one foot in the outside space?
If you’re going to give up on dreaming and freedom
Just cut the cords and let it all hang
Give someone else a chance they could use
Let it go and retreat into your poison paradise
Watch your soul wither away in the shade
If that’s your desire then who am I to stop you?
Just do one last favor and drop the charade
Sever yourself from the outside completely
This half-hearted hideaway does nothing for you

Those words from your lips
Burn like a Judas kiss
Poured in the open wound
Your dagger left behind
And you can’t even say
Just what you did to me
At least not to my face
Though everybody knows
It’s no secret how
You turned your back on me
But I’m supposed to keep
The schadenfreude alive
So I’ll just look away
Until you call my name
Smile when I should
Let it all roll off
I’ll keep the pain inside
The anger and the hurt
I won’t let you see
How much you took away

I’m tired of rebuilding
When the walls fall down
No one ever stays to help
Clean up after the damage
They’d rather walk away
Making sure to take the last brick
Holding it together
So the wall stays up this time
Once I finish getting it together
No one gets to see what’s inside

She used to cut through the noise
Now I struggle with the silence
Everything just drones on and on
Unintelligible background sounds
But when I try to hide away
My mind wanders back to her
And all I hear is the lack of her voice
That laugh that used to give me chills
That used to carry me through
Above the din of ignorance
Now I’m swallowed by the void
The chaos drags me down
And even the moments of respite
Offer nothing but the haunting loss
Reminders of how important she became
And how much I lost in my failure
To keep her in my life
Let the cacophony drag me under
She won’t be there to sunder it
Ever again

It’s funny what I miss the most
The longer time goes on
I miss my “bratty little sis”
Our smart-ass back and forth
You were one of the very few
That could keep up with me
I miss the sighs and smiles and laughter
The moments that made bad days bearable
And good ones even better
I miss the connection
That thing we never understood
But we both felt so instantly
As if it’d always been there between us
I miss you
And what I had back then
I never would’ve given it up for anything

When you tell your story
Cast me as the villain
Say whatever you must
To help you sleep at night
Share all the heinous deeds
That I ever did to you
Like try to be your friend
Encourage you to grow and live
Show you that someone cares
How dare I do such evil things
As push you to rely on those close to you
Follow your dreams
And reach for what you want
All I ever did
Was try to show you love
If it takes me bring the bad guy
For you to feel better
Then go ahead and label me as such
Seems a shame to me
To waste a true supporter that way
But I’m not the one telling the tale
It’s yours to shape your way
So tell it how you must
And I won’t contradict you
It no longer concerns me
How you view my actions
Our paths will likely never cross again
And we both know the truth
No matter how you spin it

Wasting time on a fantasy
Dreaming again of what was never mine
Mourning what was lost
When it was only in my head
Clinging to memories
That I likely misremember
Wishing just to hear a voice
That’ll never speak to me again
Longing for something
To fill the hole that was always there
Long before her
The void she brought awareness to
By almost falling in
I wish I could just walk away
Never dream or feel again
Let that hole just swallow me
Worry not about the rest
But I can’t move or look away
I’m still standing at the gates
Shouting to her back inside
No one hears a sound
I’m tilting at windmills again
Seeing shadows where nothing walks
Imagining possibilities
That never could have been