It hit me pretty hard today
How stupid this all really is
To feel such strong emotion
To let you into my head and heart
When you’ve long since decided
You want nothing to do with me
It’s sad and frustrating and pathetic
Knowing that I still give a damn
When I’d be much better off
Forgetting and walking away
Much as you decided to do
When I let my feelings show
There’s nothing I can do to fix it
I can’t even get you off my mind
How could I hope to ever change yours?
It’s all such pointless self-torture now
Playing the part of the martyr for love
Oh poor little fool that can’t let go
Even I roll my eyes at myself
And how ridiculous it really is
But nothing seems to make it stop
I still think about you too much
I still wonder and worry and hope
And wish that I could just reach out
But you cut off all avenues
(or at least the rational ones)
And I’m not about to do
Anything to cause further harm
Though I still fail to really see
How I caused harm in the first place
I never could quite understand
How my mild revelations
Were any threat at all to you
And the little life you’d built
But it’s not my place to judge
Just to find a way to accept
The judgment you handed down
On our friendship and its end
I need to find a way over you
But I still can’t shake how wrong
It feels to put you in the past
To think we’ll never speak again
Never share or make each other laugh
No more words of encouragement
No more oasis from the stress of the day
You were the rock I clung to in the storm
Making you feel better made me better too
But now I guess I make you feel worse
And maybe that’s what hurts the most
To see something so beautiful
Turn dark and sour in my hands
Watching as it withers and dies
In my hands with no recourse
It’s time to bury it and walk away
But I can’t bring myself to drop it
And so I sit and think about it
Until the tears start to flow again
And I curse at myself for caring
When there isn’t anything left
Worth caring for
