Month: April 2020

the world can be cold and lonely and cruel
and Lord knows that I tried to be there for you
I’m still here, hoping, knowing nothing’s coming true
but I’ll still be here waiting for you 

others have used you and cast you aside 
Lord knows that I’ve helped you, or at least tried. 
I still regret all the tears you have cried
and I’m still here waiting for you

sometimes I dream of opening your door 
grabbing and holding you and falling to the floor 
and telling you how much I love and more 
but no, I’m just waiting for you

How many have torn your heart to shreds? 
What’s made you feel alone, filled you with dread? 
I wish I could be the one, but instead 
all I’m doing is waiting for you
waiting and wishing for what can’t be 
wishing that someday it’d come to be me 
that when you dream of you partner, you’d see 
until then I’m waiting for you. 

for good or for ill
no matter what’s true
I’ll love, want, and need 
no other but you

if ever you finally come in from the cold
I’ll ask for you to have and to hold,
I hope I’m not presuming or bold
just remember I’m waiting for you 

Originally written in 2003

Clinging on to flashes of light
No matter how little hope is left
The tiny crack in the foreboding wall
Like water dripping from a glacier
Of course I’ll stop to drink
Manufactured opportunity
The implications are there
But what if I’m just seeing what I want to see?
Making signals out of smoke and ash
Meant to be the wreckage
Of a failed situation
Burned beyond repair
When did I grow this stubborn streak?
Not backing diwn
Not giving up
Holding on tightly
To every straw I can grasp
This isn’t me
I should’ve given up
But here I am still searching
Using every crack and crevice
In the rock that holds me here
As a sign that maybe things
Can still be saved
Salvaged from the charred remains
I’m still pouring through

The night sky raining stars
Vast and endless
The sunrise over the ocean
Giving birth to the new day
The quiet symphony of the woods
A story older than any man
These are the moments
This is the beauty
I long to share
The wonder and the majesty
Of the world around us
That we often forget to see
The overwhelming power
Of nature that we try to ignore
Or destroy
Rather than embrace
I want to spread this
I want you here with me
To find and appreciate this vision
Of the beautiful existence we deny
With our ugly society

I want to be there when you start to fall
To catch you and keep you moving
I’ll stand beside you in your struggles
Whatever they may be
And help you face your demons down
I can’t fight your battles for you
But I can be there, right behind
Giving you whatever you need to win the day
And helping you celebrate the victories, big and small
I want to see you fight
I want to see you live
I want to be a part of whatever it is you’re meant for
Because I know you’re meant for something
Just as I know I can help you find it
Don’t let this world dull your spark
You shine so bright when you let yourself
And I want to be the heat that feeds that flame

I wish I could show you
What I see when I look at you
Maybe then you’d understand
I wish I could give you
Everything in this world
The beauty of all the sunrises and sunsets
I wish things were different
That I was a better man
What you needed me to be
I wish I’d found you at the right time
So I could’ve had a chance
One I’m not sure I deserved
I wish you would let me
Show you everything you are
So you’ll know just what the truth is
But wishing never makes it so
And the truth is so very hard to find
And there’s nothing to be gained by holding on
I wish you could me mine
And I could be yours
But I guess it wasn’t meant to be

Step up?
Take a chance, roll the dice yet again
watch as the arrow flies
through the air
can it go the distance?

Step back?
Hold back from the inevitable pain
let my insecurity and worry
take away
the best thing I know?

Step in?
try to replace the one she really wants
the one who wants her
but can’t have her
be second best?

Step out?
Keep hidden the past, present,
and possible future
try to go back
to my boring life?

Originally written in 2007

Ever the romantic
Always a fool
Life doesn’t work that way
Love and hopes and dreams
They mean nothing
Outside of my own head
I’ll never get to share the beauty
In a world that’s lost its shine
I keep thinking I might convince you
Might get to show you
What I once saw
But that thought is a fantasy
That leads only to madness
Just as thinking that beauty is still out there
There’s no wonder left
No promise of anything more
All the grand visions of the natural world
We as people have left them behind
I once was convinced I’d found someone
Who could see the hidden sparkle
That we’ve veiled
With our dark and depressing machines
Turns out I was wrong
To think that I could
Just ride in and sweep her away
I wanted a partner
A helping hand in the journey
Someone else who could see
The diamonds in the rough
But the truth is
I’m no white knight on a stallion
And she didn’t want to be rescued
And no amount of hopes and dreams change anything
And this shell of a world we’ve created
Is exactly the place
To chew me up and spit me out
Until I remember
That nothing the fairytales said will come true
So I’m sorry
For trying to spread my vision
I only managed to make us both suffer
Something that might have been beautiful
Turned a twisted, ugly mess
A reflection of the world
And what it’s made of my dreams
It’s all been false hope
And I’ve only prolonged the pain
By holding on

Do I still love you?
Probably, for what good it does
Because love isn’t all it takes
To make it in this world
And I’m not the only one that does
Love you, I mean
And that’s the part I can’t forget
With so many obstacles in my way
The biggest one is he was first
I could bring so much to the table
But he was seated first
And while I’d be content
Just to see you live your best life
I have to remember I’m not necessarily in it
And that I’m having trouble with
Because I’m pretty sure my own best life
Would need you in it somehow
And I know how this works
To reconcile these two very different paths
Take the one of least resistance
And that means that I walk away
And watch from the outside
Do I love you?
Yes, and that means giving up
When all I want to do is keep fighting

I thought about you yesterday
Funny how time moves so fast
One minute we’re sharing the same road
And the next we’re miles apart
What seemed to matter most back then
Doesn’t mean a thing today
Not in the face of an ever-changing future
I hope you’re doing well
You always did deserve the best
Even though neither of us
Were very good at getting it
I can’t help but picture your smiling face
That made bad days so much brighter
And miss the moments that we shared
But it doesn’t matter now
We can’t go backwards, can we?
But I try to hold those thoughts so close
And drag them up every so often
I wish I could find that again
And I hope you already have it
I wish you the best of everything
And I hope I get the same
Someday

If I was asked to tell someone
The reasons that I love you
I’m not really sure I ever could
How does one put down into words
Something so fundamental
That the universe itself
Is built upon it?
Do you know how it is
You know to breathe
Or blink or see?
To explain these emotions
Is to try to explain the cosmos
Scientists have been working centuries
And keep finding secrets
That’s how it is to love you
A never-ending journey
Of discovery
I can no easier explain
What it is about you
Than the physics of the atom bomb
To a child that has no grasp
My feelings are such
An elemental force of who I am
That I don’t understand myself
I just know that they’re there
So yes, I love you
More than I could ever express
And more than I could ever explain
There are no words to understand it
Just know that it’s true