Do you come around here often?
Of course you do
But what I don’t get is why
When you have nothing to say to me
You can still pop on by
And enjoy my downfall
You know, as stupid as it makes me,
One word from you and I’d come running
But you can’t speak those words
Oh no, but you can sit there
In your isolated little tower
And lob insults and comments anonymously
Whenever you think it has to do with you
Woe be to the next girl to break my heart
She’ll have a challenge to live up to
Because you do it again and again
You’ve made it a fine art
All I have to do is be almost over everything
And you find a way
And I’ll never understand what I did
To engineer such hatred
Nothing I said or did
Could’ve ever done you harm
So why you keep torturing me
I guess I’ll never know
And until the end
You’ll likely sit thete
Assuming everything I say
Is aimed in your direction
The truth be damned by your opinion
And I be damned with it
Month: March 2020
Fall
Under the wreckage
Of another failure
You’d think I’d know by now
Not to even try
I’ll just find myself here again
Buried by the walls
That always find a way to fall
But I’ll keep trying to rebuild
I’ve got nothing else
This world hands you so little
I’ll take whatever I can
And make it my own
And each time
There’s still a little space left\
A crack to let the air in
Enough that I may break
So thought each fall kills me inside
On the outside I still move
And I’ll keep moving
Once I find my way from underneath
I’ll clear away the rubble
And start a new foundation
So that someday it may fall
Under the Bus
Do you sleep well at night?
Every word is a stab to the heart
Thank you for throwing me under the bus
For your inabilities
It’s been so long since the wheels tore my skin
I’d forgotten what it felt like
I remember when I thought this time
Would be a real opportunity
What a naive fool I am
Not seeing the same old signs
Flashing in my face
Thank you, sir,
May I have another?
There’s still space for more burn marks
If you need to dodge the heat
I’m the expendable one, after all
So step on up and step on me
Trying to keep your own feet clear
There Goes Everything
There goes everything
crumbling into tiny little pieces
The bottom’s falling out
and there’s nothing left to cling to
No air left to breathe
and light that can be seen
No reason to go on
except that I’m too weak to end it
But I’ve got no reason to continue
when nothing works
and everything hurts
and no one cares
and I’m done
Searching
I found what I’ve been searching for
Across the endless sands of time
But it rests just outside my reach
So, so near
Hauntingly,
Taunting me
Driving me to obsession
And frustration
With the way things are and might have been
SHOULD have been
There’s nothing that I do
That can seem to bridge the distance
Every time I reach out
To take it in my grasp
Something pulls it from me
Back just a little further
Trying to trick me into
This gap that lies between us
So that I may be lost forever
As if I already wasn’t
Stuck staring across the chasm\
At everlasting beauty
That I’ve sought for oh so long
And find I cannot claim
The Struggle
I’ve tried so hard so long
to be a bigger man and better person
Than I think I have what it takes to be
I just can’t do it anymore
My shoulders are breaking under the strain
My head’s a jumbled mess
And my heart still hasn’t gotten it together
And while I keep up the facade
Inside my world is crumbling
And I’m so afraid that everyone will see
The walking disaster I barely keep inside
I don’t want to break down
I can’t afford to fail, can’t let myself stumble
But I’m not sure how long I can keep moving
When nothing goes as planned
And I’m just so lost and confused
That even if I knew which way was up
I’m not sure I could go in the right direction
But there’s too much at stake
The responsibility I carry too great
To let it all go
So I keep up the struggle
On up that same hill
Waiting for the rock to fall back down
And part of me wishing it would crush me
These Blank Pages
If only I could sit here
and pour my heart out on these pages
what beautiful words I could weave
If I could get my thoughts together
I could paint you pictures
of awe-inspiring fantasies
and then maybe you would understand
But my muse is failing me
as I struggle to find the meanings
hidden in this language
to unlock your heart and soul
There’s just no sentence I could form
that adequately captures
the beauty and desire
that I wish I could share with you
The intrusion of reality
and all my insecurities
doesn’t help me gather
what little wit and wisdom
I have at my disposal
I feel just like a failure
a silver-tongued fool
tied up, twisted,
by the trappings a dream
that will never come true
no matter how I try
and so I sit here still
the blankness of the canvas
mocking me endlessly
Not sure there’s even a point
No sense in trying again
when nothing yet has done much good
and every attempt to show you
has ended in disaster
I just can’t make you see
this world that only I can know
you won’t let me let you in
no matter what I say or do
so maybe it’s my lot in life
to sit and star at these blank pagers
to let the dream unfold before me
for my eyes to see alone
Beautiful Dreamer
Beautiful dreamer
Would you dream for me again
So that I may carry us
Beyond the horizon
Open your eyes
The future always looks uncertain
But the power of a fantasy
Cannot be denied
Let it go
Let the weight that pulls you under
Fall away into the nothing
As we take those steps together
We can hold each other up
Offer strength to fight the weakness
Be each other’s light
To hold back the coming shadow
You and I
We could face this world together
With nothing but each other
There’s no way we’d ever fall
All it takes
Is a little understanding
A little dash of faith
That’s hard enough to find
But I’m here and waiting
If ever you are ready
To give up on this boring life
And find where we belong
The Little Things
It’s the little things I appreciate most
Like my stomach turning in knots
And the feeling of dread when I walk through the door
Knowing you’ll be on the other side
Having to avoid someone that used to be the first I looked for
It’s all so painful and frustrating
And just when I thought it was over
And I was finally beyond caring
One comment from you
And it all comes rushing back
And I hate you
And I hate it
And I miss what will never be again
And I wish I had been stronger
And smarter
And better
And something, anything besides who and what I am
But I’m not
I’m just me
Stuck here suffering through
Trying to get it all out
And dreading the moment you say or do something else
To dredge it up again
Precious Moments
Previous moments
We let slip through our fingers
Like so much sand
In the hourglass of life
What can we do?
We are but mortal
Finite by nature
With so much and so little
At stake everyday
We carry on
As time drags us forward
To destined breaking points
That we never know