Month: February 2020

You’ve been lost in the wilderness for so long now
And you’ve managed to make quite a path
For all the challenges you’ve faced
It’s a wonder you’ve survived
Long enough to carve out a place amongst the weeds
But you’ve spent so much time fighting
That you’ve lost sight of the goal
You’ve given up and let the vines pull you in
Don’t let your dreams go
Don’t let them die amongst the underbrush
This is not the end goal, but just the beginning
Keep fighting, keep forcing your way through
Don’t settle for good enough here in the woods
When somewhere past the wall of thorns
Lies a verdant paradise
Waiting just for you

Just get up and go
No looking back
No what ifs or yeah buts
It’s time to stop thinking
And just let go
Just dream
And follow that dream
Make that dream real
Get out of your head
And into the big, bad world
Live life as it’s meant to be
No regrets
No remorse
Just what you’ve always wanted
No fear
No failure
Just fulfillment
And all the things you’ve denied yourself

Please just show me something here
give me some reaction
yell
curse
cry,
or just say a single word
Do something to make me think
I at least mattered somehow
because as far as I can tell
we were never friends
and my being there for you meant nothing
and that hurts more than anything
the idea that I misjudged you so completely
that I’m left here in silence
no reaction
no explanation
save second hand news
I fucking struggled with my feelings for so long
trying not to come between you and him
knowing that I’d lose if I did
and here I am having lost anyway
because the only time you’ll even look my way
is when you think I can’t see
I’m driving myself crazy here
trying to understand
where I failed so badly
All I need to move on
is just a word from you
just tell me to walk away and I’m done
but you can’t even do that, can you?
You can’t look me in the eye
and tell me any of this
You have to pass it through people
that have no business knowing anything
Well I’ll air my dirty laundry
the only way I have left
and hope for some kind of resolution
that’ll likely never come

A million little conversations
we’ve had in my head
have gotten me nowhere
only further and further away
from any resolution
it’s far beyond time
for those words
to leave my mind
and go out into the world
where you can hear them
for words unspoken
help no one

There behind your eyes
I can still see the sadness
Why are you so lonely?
You have everything you wanted
Don’t you?
Or is something still missing
Did you ever figure out
What it is you’re looking for?
What would make you happy?
What would make you whole?
This life you’re living
Might work for you for awhile
But it’s not living
It’s not you
Surely you can see
The writing’s on the wall
And you slip further and further away
From what you were meant to be

I took a leap of faith
Misjudged the distance
Ended up on the ground
I should be back up by now
But every time I see your face
Or hear your voice
I end up falling again
What am I supposed to do?
Nothing can cushion the blow
All I want is a chance to walk away
With some bit of dignity left
But being near you
Yet so, so far away
Keeps pulling me down again

Going through the motions
Of another boring day
The smile on my empty face
A mask to fool the world
It doesn’t matter anymore
What’s going on inside
As long as everyone around me
Sees what they want to see
And hears only laughter
Be the clown, play the fool
Make everyone else happy
Keep on keeping on
What’s the point? What’s the purpose?
My joy is only ever found
In others that end up leaving
So why keep up the pretenses?
Well simply because there’s nothing else
I’ll just keep moving
Just keep smiling
Just keep faking everything
And hoping to fill the emptiness
Before the walls collapse

In everyone else
All we see are reflections
Of the world we expected
It’s time to look closer
Beyond the glass walls
Life puts in front of us
Make the effort
To find the truth
Buried beneath the surface
Get to the heart and soul
Well and truly know
Then we might find meaning
In the unknown and unknowable
And fill the empty spaces
In and around us all

It may be a beautiful day
But I think I’ll stay inside
I don’t feel like facing the sun
I’d just end up getting burned
The more open I seem to be
The faster people disappear
So I’ll just curl up by myself
And enjoy a little self-reflection
It’s nice and comfy in this hole
No need for anyone else’s input
No way to end up caring too much
If there’s no one there to care for
I won’t get caught up in obsession
If I spend my days alone
Worrying and overthinking
Will be problems of the past
When no one else’s opinions matter
And I can just be myself
So leave me here, I’m fine at home
Go out and enjoy the weather
I’ll stay here and hide away
Where it’s safe and cold

You always look so sad
especially when you think no one’s looking
but try as I might
I can’t stop
You don’t want my help
in fact you don’t seem to want my anything
but there’s something there that pulls me back
as I’m struggling to walk away
I won’t reach out first
not this time
I’ve tried before and only gotten burned
but I’m begging you
to give me some kind of sign
You’re not happy
I’ve known that all along
and I did my best to lift you up
but went too far too fast
but I’m stuck here standing by
ready to try again
but this time only if you ask