Month: January 2020

I could use all the words
the English language holds
to tell you how great and wonderful you are
and how amazing our lives could be
if you only gave me a chance
But let’s be real here
Nothing is ever truly perfect
and no one is ever going to live up
to whatever ideal that forms in someone’s head
So no, I would never be able to give you
everything you ever wanted
I can’t just ride in
and sweep you off your feet
I’m not even sure that I’d be better for you
than what you’ve already got
But I’d damn sure try to be
I’d be there for you through anything
as we try, and fail, and get back up to try again
I’d help you face the struggles
that come with our imperfect world
Hold you when you need a break
and let you go when you need to stand alone
I’d give you everything I could
I could never be all you ever wanted
I’m no saint, as you know all too well
And you’re not some imaginary goddess
that would make my life complete
You’re just a woman, and I’m a man
No need for pedestals
I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone
but I can live without you
If I have to
I just don’t want to
because I’m sure we’re exactly what each other needs
and I’ll regret it if I don’t take the chance to say so
and let this all slip away

To the girl with the beautiful smile
and eyes that hold a million storms
The rose not yet in full bloom
a vision of promises
for the one that unlocks her
Beneath that wall of stone
lies uncharted passions
the world may never be ready for
but I stand here
hoping to find the key
to release that potential
because I can see the cracks in the stone
and the beauty beneath the facade
shines through in bits and bursts
and I so desperately want it to break free

You’re the last thing I think of at night
And the first that I picture when I wake
But I just want you out of my head
It’s all such bullshit fantasy
Dreams that will never come true
An obsession that lingers long past its prime
Something I wanted but could never have
And my subconscious should’ve known better
It was always too good to be possible
There was always something in the way
And no amount of me trying was going to get through
But still I can’t get you off my mind
Even now, as I dodge the painful glares
Where once smiles came my way
And as I feel the cold radiating off you
Aimed in my general direction always
It changes everything and nothing at once
I just want to be rid of this
I want to move on with my so called life
I don’t need the reminders of my failures in my face
What I desperately wanted and could never have
How I tried to push for more when I should’ve walked away
And even know, keeping the distance you asked for
Thoughts of you won’t leave me be
Just leave me be

I know I shouldn’t miss you
As badly as I do
But it’s not really you I miss
Well, it is, but it isn’t
It’s mainly the moments where I could relax
Let down my guard
Put the facade away
And connect with someone real
I’m so tired of faking it
The acting takes its toll
And now I have no one
That actually understands
That’s why I obsess over it
That’s why it hurts so much
Because you understood
What others never could
And now I don’t have that
Because I never had you

I may never be the one that makes you happy
Or the one that guides you to your dreams
But I will still be right here behind you
And you will always have my strength to draw from
Anytime, anything you need
And maybe in one of the harder moments
When you get knocked down and can’t quite find your feet
You’ll remember that I’m right here to lean on
And I can help you face the world again

The words left unspoken
weight heavy on my heart
They echo in the silence
dragging me into the darkness
Try as I might to find my voice
my lips won’t let them cross
and still I say nothing
Let the widening distance grow
as great as the hole inside
so that all these thoughts and emotions
mind find a home
in the quiet darkness
that has settled between us

Obsession, passion, and connection
Therein rests the heart of love
That which brings such deep emotions
Joys and heartaches by the score
A simple thing it is, to fall
And never want to rise again
But just lie there, in the depths
Drowning in an endless sea
Let me fall in you forever
Thinking only of your grace
Let the strength of my convictions
Carry you to passion”s core
May you find it in your honor
To embrace all the gifts I bear
And take this heart I lay before you
Connect our souls once and again

Somewhere along this road
I’ve lost some piece of myself
So forgive me if I slow down
To take a look around and find it
I’m not quite what I want to be
And while I’m sure I’ll get there
The path will only be longer and harder
If I don’t find a way
To make myself whole again

I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore
So much is slipping through my fingers
Like I ever even had a grip
Played by empty promises
Put through the paces and apparently found lacking
But why not keep me running through the ringer
As long as I’m dumb enough to stay
But I’m not dumb, just desperate
Clinging to an unfounded sense of loyalty
A crumbling facade of caring
I don’t care
Not anymore
I just want to find my way out

Time to slip into my digital life
The world that I can control
That doesn’t throw more at me than I can handle
That doesn’t misunderstand
That gives as much as it takes
Where I feel something beyond drained and defeated
And the ghosts of my failures don’t haunt me
Where I can be me
And not worry about perception
Forget the real world
And its insecurities
Give me fake
Put that facade of one’s and zeros
In between me and my heart
And I’ll be fine