Month: August 2019

Does he know
how precious a gift he holds in his arms?
A dreamer in an age of reality
He could crush you so, so easily
Does he truly realize what he has beside him?
What beauty, what truth
Does he hold you up
so that you may shine in the sun?
Does he protect you
from a world that would love to bring you down?
Does he give everything you need?
Would he lend you his strength
to stand against the tides?
Would he give his time and effort
to see you grow and learn?
Could he imagine
a life without you by his side?
Could you?

For listening
For inspiring
For pushing
For needing
For answering
For asking
For being
Thank you
For everything

I feel like the universe is trying to tell me something
But the signal is weak and the words are out of order
Am I doing what I’m supposed to?
Will I ever get what I want?
Am I really to struggle all my life?
Is this all sort of cosmic joke?
I’m not laughing.
I’m just waiting for the answers to come in
Clearly, this time.
Because I’m tired of static and noise.

I’ve dug myself a hole
and burrowed right inside
to hide away from everything and everyone
to rest, recharge, and rise again
…but there’s no reason left to leave
Take a look out there
There’s nothing there for me
In here it’s safe
it’s warm, it’s exactly what I want…
…but it’s boring
and lonely
and lifeless
but there’s nothing out there
and nothing in here
there’s just…
nothing.

So this is what it feels like when love dies
The void, waiting to swallow me whole
Silence speaks volumes
But can’t fill the empty spaces
Left inside
Where once was passion and fire and life
Rests naught but a pile of ashes and splinters
There’s nothing left for me here
Nothing to look forward to
No light at the end of the tunnel
Just endless darkness
Floating adrift in the emptiness
Of a world without you

There’s no such thing as a story book ending
Nothing comes easy and nothing is free
You won’t find Prince Charming by kissing frogs
And no pots of gold are waiting at rainbows
This world is what you make of it
Not what you wish it to be
There’s so much on offer
Riches to be found
But only if you work for them
No magic beans
No fairy godmothers
Just passion and effort
Just put down the book
Get your head out of the clouds
And step out into the sun

I woke up this morning
after the end of the world
to the chaos of nothing
no sound
no light
no life
no you
Now I stumble in silence
looking for meaning
in a world devoid of color
of essence
of purpose
crying out into the emptiness
looking for light in the void
with nothing
and no one
to guide me

you’re laying in his bed
but you’re talking to me
does he know?
would he care?
if he only knew
how much I want you
how much I miss you
when we don’t speak
how your shine grows brighter
when our eyes meet
how we share our struggles and successes
if he ever discovered
just how close we’ve become
and how much you mean to me
then I can only imagine the explosion
so he can’t know
as he sleeps peacefully
how much I dream I was there and not here

So, I stopped putting explanations/inspirations for my poems here at the end in italics awhile back due to a completely misinterpreted one getting me posted up for ridicule on Reddit (thanks, Internet!), but given the recent attempt to make me feel like crap by a comment I ended up moderating right into the trash bin, let me link everyone to the inspiration for this one right here.

This one’s not autobiographical, folks, sorry! I may have been messaging someone when I wrote it, but that person had nothing to do with it.

I choke on the words as they leave my lips
They can’t possibly sound as hollow out loud
as they do in my head right now
can they?
Be supportive
be friendly
never let her see you sweat
Encourage
uplift
don’t let on how much it hurts
to know she’s in someone else’s arms
right at this very moment
Keep the walls up
keep the game face on
tell her what she needs to hear
not what you want so badly to say
be the friend she doesn’t have
because that’s the best you can get
and the best you can get is better than nothing
…or so you keep telling yourself.

It just hit me again
How I’ll never be the one
You’ll always be another’s love
In someone else’s arms
There’s a hole here in my life
Shaped perfectly for you
That you’ll never fill
And it hurts
But at least I get to see you
At least I get to help you
At least I get to lift you up
As my back is breaking
And my heart is aching
And it’s all I can do to hold back the tears
Because I’ll never mean to you
What you mean to me
And I guess that’s okay…