It’s funny when I think about it

I never miss the people

There’s usually a clear reason

why our paths no longer cross

But I always miss the moments

and the feelings I remember

that certain sense of wonder

never knowing where I’m going

Something about the journey

never the destination

because where I always seem to end

is right back where I started

But oh, that road we walk upon

that ever-looping highway

those nevwrending circles

so many ways to wander

Always lost but seeking

another way around the sun

Seize those little moments

for they tend to pass

in the rise and fall of eyelids

And you’ll know regret

when they slip between your fingers

like something ephemeral

Time will carry on, regardless

so make of those chances

all you conceivably can

lest you find yourself lacking

lost in what might have been

had you only grabbed on tight

to something long since gone

There’s a lesson in everything

and maybe someday I’ll learn

(ince I keep repeating

the same mistake)

There comes a time and place

to turn and walk away

before the bridge that’s burning

collapses under my feet

and the river carries me

far from where I’m going

Somehow I keep getting stuck

in the gaps between

and watching helplessly

as it falls apart

like every one before

I’ll find a way

if for no other reason

than to spite you

and the words you wield so sharply

If you care so little

I’ll walk away

and you won’t have to worry

about either of our failure

You’re nothing

of who and what you used to be

and I refuse to let you

be the albatross around my neck

that drags me down

I don’t know what I’m doing

if I ever really did

I just keep moving in the same direction

hoping someday I’ll find it

Whatvere it is that I’m supposed to

without actually understanding

what it is or where I’m going

One day closer to the end

whatever that might mean

feeling far too lost and hopeless

No idea where this wind blows

except to push against me

and this weight of the world

piled high upon too narrow shoulders

No sturdy base we find here

Just another aimless drifter

trying to find a reason

to keep cutting through the noise

Drowning in the silence

at the heart of everything

and nothing all at once

Never quite enough

not to matter

no one sticks around

left to drift on

through a world that ever turns

Sun rises, sun sets,

nothing happens

nothing ever changes

No meaning

no importance

no lasting impact

no impression

no future

Nothing sacred

only wasted time

I’m just wasting time

waiting for the end

as everyone and everything

moves on without me

It’s been a year today

and it somehow feels like each and every one

So much has happened

and so much feels different

for nothing of importance to have changed

Still in the same place

trying to fill the emptiness

Going through the motions

of a world that looks much darker

and a life you left behind too soon

Same old same old

when it’s all just a little less

than the day before

Still not sure what’s next

but I’ll keep trying

to figure it all out

once and for all

like you would’ve wanted

Because that’s all I’ve got these days

these weeks, these months, this year

So much I didn’t understand

I’ve had to learn the hard way

Sure learned fast in these four walls

when what held them up went missing

But we carry on in memory

one more year down the road

and I’m sure with time and patience

the wound gaping in your absence

will start to fade and heal

but it’s only been a year

A lifetime of a year

and I still feel the absence every day

Don’t worry

the hole you left behind

when you walked away

is still there

In fact

it’s only gotten bigger

in your absence

It’s just not worth filling

when everyone that stands there

always finds a reason

to leave

And every time

they tear away another piece

of who and what I am

and drag it off with them

A little less of me

stays standing day by day

a little less sure

a little less certain

a little less clear

for each time I try to reassemble

I have to patch another crack

or fill another gap

only made by trying

to fill that void

I don’t know if I have it in me

to try again

It’s not always easy

to be proven right

When you share your deepest worries

only to see the one you trusted

make them come true

Was I wrong to say it then?

In the end I saw it coming

despite all her denials

and now it’s been how long?

Feels like an eternity

like she’s a remnant of another life

another world I never lived in

only dreamed of

I knew she would disappear

those words haunting me

alongside her memory

A deeper floor found

beneath rock bottom

a darker void inside my darkest moment

I was right

but I’ll find no satisfaction

only a strong sense of sadness

and loss of what was

and might have been

It seems like a lifetime ago

when visions of the past

creep up and take hold

Heart racing and stomach churning

as memories flash by

like your life

when death comes calling

I can’t shake the feeling

can’t get past the failures

that haunt me

People and places lost

in my life no longer

except when they decide

to appear again at random

and trigger fight or flight