All I’ve ever wanted
was for someone to be there
when I needed them
Just that source to draw upon
a solid rock of reassurance
a resource to rely on
when the trouble comes
All I’ve strove to be
is that same thing for others
I want to give and recieve
for that is what love means
to give and to receive
But no one else ever gives
they all just take
or walk away
No one knows how to love
anymore
When I fall
I fall completely
and give everything
I have and hold
I think constantly
and hope deeply
and will do anything
for their betterment
The problem comes
when no one lives up
to deserving such love
No one else
ever gives back
ever cares as much
ever thinks about me
But I still give
I still sacrifice
I still bleed myself
Endlessly
Needlessly
Pointlessly
Drip, drip, drip
until I bleed no more
An empty husk
all has been given
Nothing’s left
When will I learn?
I think I’m done with this
So tired of hurting myself
By the time I end up
in any real relationship
I’m going to be so broken
that it will be impossible
I’ll slice her open
on all the jagged edges
everyone before her left behind
I have to work
even harder now
to hide these scars
so that I may someday
find the one whose happiness
I’m meant to share in
because it’s clearly not you
Not with lies
not with hiding
not with obfuscation
So I walk away
to salvage what remains
If she never heard from me again
her life would carry on just fine
I’m the one that’s broken here
Wishing I could ask for more
but knowing if I have to ask
then I’m not actually getting what I want
when what I want is to mean and matter
as much to her as she does to me
I’ll always be the one
thst just so easy to leave behind
Clueless and hopeless
the extra weight no one wants to have attached
I’d only drag her down
and when she’s meant to fly
I won’t be what keeps her on the ground
Do you need to see the tears
before you understand just how I feel?
Will a complete breakdown suffice?
Because I’m gonna lose it after all this time
when I finally get to see her again
You don’t have to say that it’s not normal
how much I love and care about her
I’m pretty sure I know that
and I’m also pretty sure it doesn’t matter
It doesn’t change just how attached I feel
That girl is going places
I’d give up everything I have
to help get her there
and I find it so hard to believe
that you can’t see that
This is about far more than you and I
always has been, always will be
I want to see her grow and thrive
and someday have everything
and if it has to be from a distance, so be it
but that hurts far more than any rejection
you could ever dream of giving
I miss you, sure, but I miss her far more
than I think you can even comprehend
…and that’s the saddest part of all this mess
Oh heaven help this moron
to keep from making the same mistakes
He was making such good progress,
protect him from his instincts
Gifts won’t get him what he wants
only time can help him now
Patience is a virtue he lacks
so help him find it now
before he stumbles headfirst
into the same old mess
It’s probably too late
but still, he needs the assistance
Poor little lovesick fool
grant him the knowledge he needs
to avoid familiar pitfalls
lest he find himself
trapped underneath his stupidity
yet again
When the story’s over
I hope you’ll have the chance to know
just how much of what I’ve written
has been about you
Maybe by then you’ll understand
what it is I’m feeling here
I’m not clinging to you out of desperation
but out of a desire to share
as much of your life,
your world, and your time
as I possibly can
All these words I’ve spilled upon these pages
trying to wrap my head around
something that really is so simple
It’s love, no more, no less
Not hard to understand
but somehow I can’t get it right
no matter what I try
I can’t make it any clearer
but they say to show, not tell
so how is it that I can show you
what you actually mean to me
and why I miss you so much?
The rose with the sharpest thorns
so of course I’d have to find it
and somehow think that all I’d need
is a good pair of gloves and a pruning shear
So here I am out in the hot sun
I think they call this gardening
Feels a lot like sacrifice
this must be what hell is made of
The sweat pours down my face
My fingers are a mess of holes
Somewhere there’s a flower here
that would look beautiful on my mantle
But at this rate I’ll never get
to pick it before the bloom wilts
and I’m left with nothing
but scars and a blocked pathway
as the branches grow unkempt and wild
I’m at the mercy of the plant
This is gonna be a struggle, I can tell
not falling right back into old habits
I can’t let myself give a damn again
it only leads to stress and agony
I have to learn to keep my distance
That wall was built there for a reason
No need to try and make a doorway
All that ends up coming in is pain
I’m trying to repair myself in here
I don’t need to tear myself apart
trying to worry about someone else
when they don’t always give the courtesy
of the same level of interest
I think of you
and I don’t know how to say
what I’m feeling anymore
There’s a sadness
and an emptiness
that tempers everything
As if something beautiful
just died in my hands
through no fault of my own
and I mourn what could have been
despite not knowing
exactly what that is
I care, but not as much
as I might’ve just a day or two ago
and probably a little more
than I will tonorrow
But I won’t know that for sure
until I wake up
and think of you again