The World at Midnight

I see the light reflected

from the broken, jagged edges

and I’m captured by the patterns

I can just almost discern

as you shift and turn so quietly

that no else will notice

you try to disappear again

but somehow my eyes find you

still lost in the moments 

as they rise to overwhelm

consuming you as you seem

to have consumed me

captured by the chaos

that you fight to seal away

but those patterns and reflections

those torn and tattered corners

of the tapestry that brought you here

are what draws me in like moth to flame

and I can’t help but bleed myself

on some jagged edges of my own

Long past the point in time to be the bigger man

so far over worrying about how someone else might feel

done with the dismissal and devaluation

not backing down this time just to clear the air

no longer taking any responsibility

for how someone else might feel or act or be

stepping out from under decades

of being treated like I’m just the child

ignorant and barely wanted

always lying, always wrong

I’m done with backing down,

seen but not heard I believe they say

well sorry but I won’t apologize for speaking up 

when I’ve been trapped for most my life

under the weight of the lack of self-esteem

crushed by all the mocking and the threats and bluster

and no you can’t just walk right in and make me take it back to fix it

when it’s been broken for almost forever

and now suddenly someone else is cut

by the jagged edges they themselves created

I wonder who will notice when I’m gone

not that it matters I suppose

if this were the end would I

have left behind anything worthwhile?

It’s all so pointless and pathetic and meaningless

no one ever asks to be born

and yet we suffer and struggle through it all

for what?

Maybe I’ll find out soon…

It’s just another day
another year
another loop around the sun
the entropy advances ever further and onward
closing in a little closer to the inevitable end
the void surrounding, waiting for the moment
(with that much less time left to wait)
the meaning to it all has faded
much like a picture over time
an endless march to an unknown point
where it all just disappears
stuck spinning in an ever-present loop
dizzy from another trip
I never asked to take
but here I am
already going ’round again

Even when I think there’s nothing

left you find a way to drain

another drop of blood

No stone unturned

no box unopened

no corner left untouched as you keep digging

for more that you expect me

to just give up, hand over

and still have enough to carry on

but I don’t have it left I’m scarred and broken

I’m not sure I ever had it

but I’ve always done what I can

and now that I can’t do as much

the expectations set so high

I can’t even see the horizon anymore

and I feel as though I’m drowning

but what I really am is bleeding out

and there goes my last drop

right through your fingers into the dirt

where I belong…

I’m hanging off the edge of the world

and all those around me are screaming

and yelling

and stepping on my fingers

and I’m not sure if it matters

whether their feet are falling where they may on purpose

or if they’re just blind to the weakening grasp

of my digits below them

no one can hear me cry out

as they whoop and cheer

and set fire to the world

and I’m not sure how long I can hang on

panic sets in as I twist and stretch

every muscle in my body struggling to climb

back up to solid ground

but there’s no room for me there anymore

amongst the crowd that has gathered

to celebrate the end of everything

as if it were some bright new beginning

the fire grows higher

the gloom grows thicker

and I might as well just

let go

It all seems so fitting
looking out at the shining light
that tries so hard to spread so far
but only barely penetrates the doorway
through my momentary attention
So fleeting is the hope and optimism
so crushing is the weight and the dark
so enveloping, so overwhelming
and yet the world outside looks so bright
only footsteps out through the threshold
just out of reach of all but my eyes
glittering like fool’s gold
bathed in artificial rays
taunting me effortlessly
as I struggle to find it
despite it being there
before my face so clearly
I look but cannot touch
no matter how I try
Surrounded by the stench of failure
the darkness holds me in

Funny how the mind works

as time slips by beholden

to memories brought to mind

at the wit and will of some

grand design we’ll never understand

A stray electron fires

and suddenly you’re surrounded

by the ocean waves crashing around you

tearing at the sand

and the pitter patter of raindrops falling

as you hang back from those

that fate bid accompany you

when she was the only reason

you are where you were

A face, a name, a memory

that hasn’t crossed your mind

in what might as well be forever

flashing bright into your vision

You smile in that old nostalgic way

as a moment that meant so much once

(and yet so little overall)

fills you with a melancholic reflection

of what was and is and might have been

all at the whim of certain chance

a fleeting glimpse of another world

a lost time and place

once and who knows if again

Oh, the freedom

flying far above the world

that tries to pull you down

so detached from all the worries

everything that used to matter

falls away when that wind blows

in from underneath

and elevates you

beyond the simple things

when you’re standing at the center

of the universe

and all that was and is and ever will be

stretches out before you

almost bowing in your presence

when you can do no wrong.

But oh, the pain

when you repeat the sins of Icarus

and the wings fall off

and you go crashing

down into the waiting arms

of an earth that has no caring

for the high so soon abandoned

to reality

Set thy weapon down, sir knight

there’s nothing here to slay

no sweeping damsels off their feet

in a war of hearts and minds

that plate must weigh so heavy

on shoulders sagging beneath burdens

that were never yours to carry

better left to those around you

that may learn to share the load

no need to rush so quick to battle

let proverbial horses lie

just take a hand and stand beside

you don’t have to lead the way