I think the worst part

is knowing there’s no possible way

that you miss me

as much as I miss you

This is what you wanted

what you asked for

and I’m the one that suffers through

That’s just the story of my life

No one ever gives a damn

about what I want

except me, and I don’t count

at least not to anyone else

I’m always the one that sacrifices

always the one that conpromizes

I’ve met in the middle so much

I just never leave it

I never have the power

have never held the upper hand

There always seems to be a rug

to pull out from underneath me

I always end up flat on my face

as everyone points and laughs around me

The moment I ask for anything

it’s too much for someone else

and they walk away

I’m stuck empty-handed

broken-hearted

and alone

You weren’t the only one I leaned on

but you were the one I leaned on hardest

and you were the only one

that responded to my leaning

by pulling away last minute

and letting me tumble to the ground

The silence hurt

but nothing hurt worse

than the surgical removal

of every connection

save one sliver

that I wish I had the heart

to cut away myself

Because if I can’t rely on you

I won’t call you a friend

And if I can’t trust you

as far as I can throw you

why would I waste my time?

I wish the human brain was a canvas

so that I could just erase your very presence

and never have to deal with the unbidden thoughts

You proved how little you really cared

so for me to be stuck thinking of you

at such inopportune times

feels like the ultimate insult

My subconscious craves self-mutilation

(at least as far as I can tell)

and you’ve handed it a smorgasbord

served up on metaphorical silver platters

enough to haunt me for months

How did I let things get this far?

And how am I supposed to shake you?

when some part of me still cares

even though there’s no reason to

and you’d never understand

just as I can’t seem to understand you…

I’ve got nothing left in me to say

The words would only fall on deaf ears

and why speak when no one’s bothering to listen?

You keep on running full speed ahead

damn the consequences

of what you run into and what you leave behind

It would be funny to stand here

and watch you go right off that cliff

but why waste my time?

You want freedom, so take it

Squeeze it for all it’s worth

and when the next storm comes and wipes you out

I hope you have enough support to rise again

but it won’t me my helping hands

or supportive words

lifting you up ever again

Maybe you bit off more than you could chew

but that should be your mistake to own

and I shouldn’t be the one to pay for it

I supported you when you needed it

and yet you couldn’t do the same

and even refuse to see

so overwhelmed by what you tried to take on

that you just dropped it all and walked away

…but I can’t walk away from myself

or the mess my world’s been left

I have to stay and clean it up

and unlike you I know I can’t do it alone

I’m so glad that you’re strong you think ou can handle it all

but you proved just how weak you really are

the moment I tried to lean on you

for just a second or two

and you just stepped away and let me fall

The world just keeps on moving

and I don’t know what to think

What am I supposed to be doing?

Am I supposed to feel?

I’m just numb and tired

of trying to find my place

Every time I find a new direction

I just end up lost

back where I started from

bored, confused, alone

and empty yet again

Am I meant for something

or just a cosmic fluke?

I wonder if I’ll ever know

or ever really matter

beyond this little bubble

I feel trapped in…

One round in and I’m thinking of you

Gonna be a long night out

if I can’t shake this feeling

Another beer and another sad song

and my mind drifts away again

This is hardly your kind of scene

and maybe that’s the point

I think I’m not drunk enough

to be this maudlin

I’m supposed to having fun

and forgetting all about

the mistakes we made along the way

but you’re always on my mind these days

so here’s to one more drink

and one more go

Maybe this’ll be the one

that gets you out of my head

I close my eyes

and that back gate opens

The laughter of a little girl

fills the open space

As the sun shines down

past the redwood next door

and all is as it was meant to be

Until I open my eyes again

and remember I was only dreaming

and things aren’t what they used to be

The promises of yesterday

vanished with her memory

and there’s nothing I can do

to bring any of it back

This space will never be the same

the meaning lost to history

only to be captured

in pictures of times before

I’m probably the only one

still struggling to cling to

some sense of what’s supposed to be

that keeps slipping through my fingers

I close my eyes again

and shake it all away

I’m sitting at the patio we built for you

staring at the garden planted in your memory

trying not to think of how I’ve failed you

while what you loved the most sits silent at my feet

staring as if waiting for me to live

All your chosen children are scattered to the winds

I did my best to try and stay in touch

but my best was never good enough

We both knew that though you never would’ve said so

I’m not sure why I keep trying

to live up to the standards

I think you would’ve expected of me

I just can’t reach those lofty goals

All I can do is wake each day I’m given

and try to do the best I can to carry on

Maybe someday I’ll be someone you could’ve been proud of

but right now that feels a million miles away

You always had the upper hand

The entire time you held the cards

I was just following along

trying to keep up with someone

incapable of slowing down

and wondering what I thought I was doing

trying to find a place

in a world that I was sure

had no room left for me

Come to find out I was right

and I should’ve turned and walked away

long before getting left behind